Konoha college
by jak0taku22
Summary: If the world of Naruto was as fucked up as me it would have college, DeidaraxSasori, Akatsuki fraternity and Pain as ninja-Stiffler, actually the last sounds fucking awesome, alright we're doing this, get ready for the 100th time that this type of story has been uploaded to the web.
1. Chapter 1

As you may have read if you actually pay attention to the brief description before the story this takes place in a world where the Akatsuki went to college in Konohagakure. oh and even though I am a male there's probably definately most likely yes to be a male ship, not Tobi, Tobi is straight. This college is probably American pie: Beta house.

6:00am

The alarm buzzed and Deidara woke up and yawned covering his mouth then slowly put it down when he remembered there was a mouth on his hand then blushed "Deidara-senpai" shouted Tobi from the top bunk causing Deidara to fall out of bed "damn it Tobi!" The door swung open and Hidan entered "both of you just shut the fuck up," Hidan rubbed his eyes which had bags under them "I need my fucking sleep" "you're immortal douchebag" Said Deidara but then Tobi was in this conversation "Deidara maybe we should-" Tobi was bitchslapped by Deidara "Not now Tobi!" Deidara turned back round to Hidan "Deidara I swear to Jashin if you wake me up again not even Kakuzu will be able to stitch you back together" Hidan exited and slammed the door behind him, Deidara sighed and without looking he spoke to Tobi "how do I know youre blushing inside that mask?" "senpai noticed me" Deidara smacked himself in the face "why did I expect a serious answer from you of all people." Tobi stayed silent for a moment "I like turtles" Deidara smacked himself again "alright get dressed and i'll get us some coffee." Deidara walked out the room closing the door behind him "how the hell did he get into college?" deidara muttered still weary eyed inserting money into the coffee machine and filling two cups then Deidara looked behind him and saw a familiar red-head.

"hey Sasori"

"hey Deidara, please no shouting I have a fucking hangover"

"right, right havent seen you in a while"

"yea, I was on leave"

"where to?"

"Amegakure"

"sounds fun"

"no Deidara it was Amegakure, it rained all the time"

"oh..."

"I heard you got a new roommate"

"yup"

"he seems nice"

"he means well but he's a complete idiot"

Sasori started to walk away but slammed face-first into a wall and started to fall but Deidara caught him in his arms, Sasori looked up "thanks man" "no problem" said Deidara trying to hide a smile "alright i'll see you around" then Sasori walked back to his room and Deidara back to his, blushing "Deidara-kun why are you blushing?" Deidara threw the coffee on Tobi "Tobi's melting!" "it's going to be a long day" sighed Deidara

8:30: 1st period: Math - Deidara

"Tobi get your ass ready for class!" "Coming Deidara-senpai!" as the roommates entered the class, then they entered their seats (away from each other) Deidara was glad but on the first day Tobi cried and wouldn't let go of his leg, in the end he had to hit Tobi on the head with a fire extinguisher. Tobi ended up sitting by Shino, Tobi is terrified of bugs, "now class open your books and refer to page-" Deidara didn't care especially since Sasori was back, he felt things he hadn't felt before, when he was looking into his eyes and he was looking back Deidara got butterflies in his stomach. Deidara blushed when he realised he was idly drawing a sketch of Sasori "Deidara would you like to share what you're doing with the rest of the class?" "no sir" "I insist" Deidara started to sweat then ate the paper with his hands and smiled, the teacher just sighed and went back to his desk "phew" sighed Deidara "that was close"

10:30: 2nd period: Biology - Tobi

"Bllllleeeeerrrrggghhh" was the first thing you heard if you entered the Biology lab "no, get away, get it away!" cried Tobi "Tobi!" the teacher yelled "we haven't even began dissecting yet" then Tobi sat down crying and a shuriken ready and aiming at the frog "now class I will demonstrate how to dissect the frog" then he made the marks and cut open the frog removing the heart but accidently splattering blood everywhere "Bllllleeeeerrrrggghhh." the teacher looked at tobi "mr. Uchiha did you just vomit inside your mask?" "gurgle gurgle glug."

12:30: Lunch - Itachi

Itachi had a tuna sandwich, Kisame punched him in the face

13:00: 3rd period: Physics - Hidan

"Bullshit!" shouted Hidan "the world was made by lord Jashin!"

"that is your belief Hidan"

"it's the fucking truth"

"I believe the world was formed in the big bang"

"I believe you should go fuck yourself"

"mr. Hidan please calm down"

"fuck that, fuckin old man at the end of his fuckin career"

"mr. Hidan I will not tolerate coarse language in my classroom"

"viva la revolution!"

then Hidan pulled silly string out of his cloak and sprayed it in the teachers eyes "my eyes, my eyes! It burns!"

15:00: 4th+5th period: Double Art - deidara and sasori (mainly deidara)

Now that Sasori was back Deidara felt a lot more relaxed, he and Sasori shared art class together which made it more bearable (he could hardly put up with Sai) but with Sasori it was more... peaceful like every little thing didn't matter when he was around, what was this pain in his stomach he felt like he was being punched over and over again (god elementary was tough) he was smitten every time he saw him, what was this? "I'm going to cough up blood" he thought to himself, then suddenly Hidan burst through the door "Deidara, Sasori!" he said catching his breath "it's here!" then sasori and deidara looked at each other and scrambled to the door "I can't fucking believe it's here!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Author: Glaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.**

Monday, 3.30, Pain

"It's finally here" said Pain with excitement "Pain-senpai what is it?" asked Tobi "this child is the answer to all our fraternity's problems" "Deidara-senpai, Pain bought us a pony!" in which Deidara replied with a facepalm "Pain-kun can I move back in with Sasori?" "no Deidara-senpai, Tobi needs you!" he cried grabbing his leg "sorry Deidara but you know Tobi has nightmares" "well I told him not to watch Toy story 3" "Tobi won't ever leave Woody!" he said still crying "Pain-kun!" "sorry bro, anyway the package" Pain said as he opened it and inside was a small cat with two tails "Pain-senpai someone set that cat on fire!" Deidara facepalmed "no Tobi it's a tailed beast, although these things are exotic how did you get one, did you win a bet?" "that's not important" said Pain nervously before hiccuping bubbles "okay... what are we going to do with it?" "well, alone they're kinda expensive, but if we collect nine and sell them all it's worth a small fortune... each" "each!"

Tuesday, 4.00am, Tobi

"Deidara-senpai!" shouted Tobi leaning down from the top bunk "Tobi, it's four in the morning!" "but senpai I can't sleep, read me a story" "alright" he said getting up "the story is called 'go the fuck to sleep' it's about a boy who wouldn't sleep" "what happen?" "this" said Deidara shoving cloth drenched in chlorophorm behind Tobi's mask "the end."

Tuesday, 8.30am, Deidara, English

"como?" said Deidara with a confused look "Deidara just read the next chapter" said the teacher "lo siento, yo no entiendo" "Deidara, read the next chapter" "si, no tengo ni idea do lo que estas diciendo maestro." Tobi was laughing quietly in the corner "stop being a smart-ass or i'll fail you" "vete a la mierda anciano" "I can speak spanish Deidara" "mierda."

Tuesday, 11.50, Kisame, Science

"Now class, since there are no frogs, we will be dissecting fish "NOOO!"

Tuesday, 2.30, Hidan, History

"The first Hokage was a legend among ninja's, always brave, serious and couragious" "BULLSHIT!" shouted Hidan from the back of the class "problem Hidan?" "sir, the first Hokage was actually quite warm and loving, his brother the second actually fits the description, in fact Tsunade's gambling addiction actually came from him, in all honesty... he was kinda a dick" "and you would know this how?" "i'm immortal, I was there when he was a kid!" "that's quite enough, please leave my class" Hidan got up out of his seat "hey sir... listen to this" he said leaning into his ear before spitting in it "take that you prick!"

 **A/n: sorry, I know this chapter was too short and it took waaay too long but to make up for it Deidara hangs out with, and makes a move on Sasori, I promise it will be awkward.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author: As promised from last chapter this was posted quicker and DeidaraXSasori happens now. My god the internet is a weird place, for the love of ninja-go don't search it up... Also the hell is with christians? sure Jesus can walk on water but can he swim on land? yea (with condesending look on face.)**

 **Wednesday, 12th, December**

 **Wednesday, 5.30, Kakuzu**

The Akatsuki had been up all night playing Monopoly and Kakuzu was losing "son of a bitch!" he shouted "dude calm down" said Kisame trying to comfort him "back off motherfucker or I'll cut you!" he shouted holding a switchblade "whoah dude, calm the fuck down!" "I'll make tuna out of you" "Christ Kakuzu!" shouted Sasori before Kisame started to panic "chill out man, we're all friends here" "give me the fuckin' money" "alright, alright!" he shouted before handing him the fake money "you calm, yea? good, ok your turn then Kakuzu" Kakuzu rolled the dice and moved the little iron dog "Kakuzu-senpai, you landed on my hotel!" shouted Tobi gleefully "...run."

 **Wednesday, 12.00, Lunch: Pain**

Tobi sat down at the lunch table "you enjoy your run?" asked Pain, but Tobi just fell on the floor bleeding "should we help him?" asked Sasori "nah, he'll be fine, been back from worse than this, isn't that right Tobi?" "prison was cold Pain-senpai" "I'm sure it was" he said smiling before his phone buzzed "hello! hi Konan, what, now? you are? you will? I'll be there in ten" he said hanging up "later bitches I have a booty call."

 **Dude, you can't just leave**

Yes I can

 **But we got to do this story**

I don't care author, unlike you I'm getting laid

 **Ouch**

gonna need water-jutsu for that burn

 **Ahem! Wednesday, 12.04, Lunch: idk... Tobi, Tobi! where did Tobi go?**

(Itachi shrugs)

 **Son of a bitch!**

 **Wednesday, 13.15, P.E: Deidara**

He hit Sai in the face with a dodgeball "you emotionless motherfucker!"

 **5.10, Deidara**

"I'm bored" he moaned lying on his bed before getting a call "hello?" "Deidara, it's Sasori, listen you wanna do something?" "what, now?" "no, at like six" "alright, see you in an hour.

 **6.00, Deida- you know what, it's only an hour later, we really don't need to do this, alright fangirls let's get this fanservice crap over and done with then. And just for the record this is my first attempt of romance, mainly because my dating life has been... less than successful.**

"Hey Deidara!" shouted Sasori "hey man!" he replied turning off his phone "so where are we going then?" "uhh..." said Sasori awkwardly "I don't know, you wanna see a movie?" "sure what do you- **this is getting boring and not awkward enough, fast forward two hours!**

"That was great" said Sasori "it was good I guess" said Deidara mumbling "what's wrong Deidara?" "n- nothing" "come on- I know you better than anyone and I know when you're upset" "if you know me better than anyone then you know to me horror movies are just dull" "scared Deidara?" "bring Tobi, then we'll talk" "you seem to despise him" said Sasori curiously smiling "I don't hate him, he's annoying sure but..." "but what?" "he's honestly kinda adorable, he's like that puppy that follows you home" "awww..." "you're being sarcastic" "whatever gave you that idea" "stop that!" they both laughed "alright Deidara, what do you want to do?" Deidara thought for a moment "I've got an idea" he said before grabbing Sasori's wrist and running off "Deidara where are we going?" "you'll see."

Deidara dragged him to the middle of Konoha to see the giant christmas tree "ok, so you brought me here now what" he said crossing his arms "dude you're always so impatient, just... watch the pretty lights" they both looked at the tree, it's majestic glow in the frosty air only to compare by the- "okay I'm bored, can we go now?" "damn it Sasori you're always so impatient, I try to take you somewhere nice and you just want to leave" "then why do you do this" he replied rubbing his eyes "forget it, let's just go" said Deidara walking back to the college _"now I just feel like a douche"_ thought Sasori putting his hand on Deidara's back, he turned but tripped landing on Sasori, his heart was pounding and he was pretty sure he was blushing so much he had more red on his face than Obito (from when he, you know... the whole death of Rin thing.) Honestly it felt good to him, he was warm and- crap, he'd been on Sasori for way longer than a guy falling on guy and it still to be considered straight **(don't ask, this week has been hectic for me.)** "uhh... Deidara can- can you get off me now?" and with that he got up and fled back to the dorms (as you do) "damn, he's awkward" said Sasori muttering under his breath smiling "but... that's kinda why I like him."

 **A/n: Yes, I believe that Sasori is the- can I say that in a T rated fanfic? yea well Sasori's on the bottom, Next chapter: ObitoxRin, do not know who's on the bottom in that ship.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/n: If I found found Excalibur would I be king of England or would the politicians get in the way, although if that's the case I have a sword...**

2.00am, Thursday, two days until christmas, Tobi.

Bang, bang, bang, Tobi woke up to find Deidara banging his head on the wall "senpai, w- what are you doing?"

"well Tobi, I went to see the christmas tree with Sasori a few hours ago-" said Deidara, who had now stopped hitting himself

"Deidara! why didn't you take Tobi?!"

"then I fell on Sasori"

Tobi stared blankly for a few seconds "n- nevermind" he said getting out of bed and turning on his laptop

"I feel like such an idiot!" Deidara now went back to banging his head on the wall "this is going to go around the college fast, first he'll tell Pain and he'll tell Konan and- are you playing Skyrim?!"

"Nooo..." Tobi pressed on the keyboard "Fus ro dah!"

"At least that's all you do on your laptop"

"what do you do on the laptop Senpai?"

"uhh... you're not old enough to know yet.

1.30, Lunch, Tobi.

Tobi was on his way to lunch, thinking about Oreos and/or rainbows when he bumped into a girl and he dropped his books

"I'm so sorry" she said kneeling down to pick them up

"don't worry" he said doing the same, they got up

"hi I'm Rin" she said

"I'm Tobi"

"again, I'm sorry for bumping into you"

"seriously, it's fine" he said scratching the back of his head, even he could tell this was awkward

"uh I'll see you later" she said

"bye."

1.30, lunch, Pain.

"Guys, Tobi's talking to a girl" said Deidara

"wait w- what the fuck?!" said Pain in denial "there is no way that fuck-for-brains is scoring"

"he's not going to score" said Kakuzu

"what else don't we know? does he have a restraining order, is he a girl, is he an evil mastermind?!"

"he's not evil, and if you're calling him a mastermind then your crazy"

"how much you wanna bet?" asked Pain getting his wallet

"a lot, he's not an evil genius."

 **If there's one thing I can do, it's setting up a joke.**

"Hey buddy" said Pain putting his arm on Tobi "saw you talking to a girl"

"yea, her name is Rin and-"

"yea, yea good for you, are you gonna nail her?"

"WHAT?!" shouted Tobi spitting out his juicebox **Yes a juice-box, I know he's like of legal age or whatever but... it's still Tobi.**

"you heard, you gonna let her see your Water-dragon-jutsu?"

 **I realise that this is the first jutsu even mentioned and it is first used in this tense, for this I am sorry, there will be more Jutsu's in later chapters.**

"Pain, remember this is Tobi, we need to have the talk with him" said Deidara about to burst with laughter

"alright Tobi, when a man and woman love each other very much they decide to have a baby" said Pain rubbing his eyes before Hidan butted in

"Pain, I got this, so when a man wants to fuck a woman, she may or may not want to do the same, so they get in a bed or the dorm toilets"

"Hidan-senpai, please stop"

"the woman then shouts at the man because he's having... problems and the man shouts back at her and then-" Pain had covered Tobi's ears by this time

"dude! stop trying to corrupt Tobi!" said Pain taking his hands off Tobi's ears

"so when they're finished the woman wants to cuddle but the man's like "no, sit on my face""

"dude... what the fuck is wrong with you"

"g- guys, I'm gonna go" said Tobi slowly backing away

"Tobi, good news about your girlfriend!" shouted Pain

"not my girlfriend but go on Pain-senpai?"

"the showers in this place are co-ed."

2.30, P.E, Nagato

My work here is done

5.20, Itachi.

Itachi walked into the room he and Kisame shared

"hey man, I brought some- oh my god!"

"Itachi! shit!" shouted Kisame startled

"what the fuck?!"

"you should have knocked first!"

"yea, no shit, pull up your pants!" said Itachi backing away in fear

"I think I'm gonna throw up"

"is this the reason why our computer keeps breaking?"

"get the fuck out!"

"talk about sticky keys" Itachi snickered

"get out!" shouted Kisame throwing a bottle of lotion, but Itachi shut the door before it could hit him

"that's the first time I saw a shark do that."

6.30, Tobi

"Zetsu-senpai!"

"you can cut the act Obito, it's only me here"

"good, I don't if I can keep up this act any longer" he said lowering the pitch of his voice

"so, how goes the 'plan', well I hope"

"it's going along perfectly"

"you're really going to do that at graduation?" asked Zetsu getting a ninja-7up

"I told you before Zetsu, I'm doing it no matter what, and a year is plenty of time"

"so on an unrelated note, that... girl?"

"I don't know what you're talking about" he said crossing his arms and putting his feet up

"I know you like her"

"I bumped into her, I'm probably not even going to see her again

"but you want to?" asked black Zetsu raising an eyebro- oh, wait

"she could be... beneficial"

"you dog"

"shut it."

"Hey kids, I'm home!" shouted Pain bursting in through the doors

"hi Pain-senpai!" shouted Tobi now with a higher pitch

"Tobi, what have I told you about putting your feet up?"

"sorry senpai" he said getting up and flipping Pain "the bird" behind his back "I'm gonna go"

"to make out with that girl right?" Pain chuckled

Tobi flipped him the bird again

 **A/n: Fun thing I found out for Assassins creed fans is they're reading this, the guy who voices Deidara in one of the dubs also voices Ezio in ac2 and Yuri Lowenthal also voices that whiny Templar kid, he's like the second one you kill, so those two guys must have been like "oh hey, it's that guy again."**


End file.
